Saturday, January 3

Feeling Better About Today

This is going to be short because I am tired, and need to go to bed for church in the morning. Yesterday was a bad day. Maybe it's not such a good idea to put all your inner-most thoughts on your blog where anyone and everyone can read them. Not that anyone does, mind you.

I started typing all my frustrations down and decided to delete them, because it might hurt those that I love most. I go through this every once in awhile when I feel overwhelmed, and simply exhausted.

The problem is that I don't speak up. I just let people say what they will, and hurtful things at that, and just let them think what they think, without them really knowing the truth.

My MIL made a comment in the grocery store today, that was extremely rude and hurtful. Probably because I decided to shop at Wal-mart, and not Aldi, where she wanted to go. She can't drive, I was taking her shopping, and told her I would take her to Aldi after Wal-mart. Uggghhh... Anyway, we met a friend we hadn't seen in some time, and we were talking, and she got on this tangent about how some women (referring to me, of course) spend too much of their husband's money, and that men tend to be better money managers. But then proceeded to comment that she was a great money manager because she learned from my late-FIL who was the best money manager ever. (I am rolling my eyes at this comment) because when he died, she didn't know where anything was, nor did she even know how to pay the bills, or write checks. That was why my husband had to be put on her checking account to help her. And no sooner had he died, when she decided to give their house back to the bank because she no longer felt that she could afford it, so instead of continuing to make payments on her home, she didn't make any payments for 7 months until she was deep in foreclosure. She never even called her bank to tell them that she had moved out of the house. Yeah, she's some money manager. And how rude to say that to someone who has taken part of her day to take her grocery shopping. I just wanted to slap her and tell her what I thought. But I just smiled and told her that I preferred to shop alone because it was too distracting to shop with other people, and that I would meet her when I checked out.

Why can't I tell people what I think? I have never been able to do this. It's so frustrating! Oh and by the way, I only spent $130 on groceries today for 2 weeks (and a family of 5, I might add) Spent too much money, my butt. Plus it's easy to say that you are a good money manager when you bring in $4300 a month, and have only yourself and 2 others to feed. What I think is wrong is taking two mentally disabled men's complete social security checks for yourself, and then getting your late husband's pension, and his social security, and saying that you are broke all the time, and that you may have to move in with your son and daughter-in-law, who bring in $1600 a month for a family of 5. Please God don't ever let it come to that. I will lose my mind! She'd probably poison me anyway, as I totally think she's jealous of me, and wishes her son was her husband. Seriously.

And you thought your family problems were interesting.

Please don't think that I am a hateful person for typing this. I really am not a mean person. I try to forget all the mean things people have said and done to me in the past, but I am totally afraid of confrontation. I avoid it at all cost. It's not even that I am holier than thou and turn the other cheek like Christ wants us to. If I was like that, I wouldn't have typed all this on my blog. I am a sinner like you all, but why do I have to be put here dealing with all this junk. Why can't I let it go, like some people say? I think maybe it's because it's left unresolved.

I feel like a lot of things in my life are unresolved. I guess only God knows how I can't resolve them effectively. Lord, please help me in this area of my life.

1 comment:

Mike and Katie said...

I sent you my email before, I read your blog. I can relate. Are you a middle child?

I look forward to getting to know you and I know it will get better. God has begun and great work in you and he will be faithful to complete it!