This year I have decided to be completely honest about my feelings on this blog. This may turn some people off, but because hardly anyone reads this anyway, I thought I would start using my blog as a journal, and possible learn something in the process. Some things I type may not be pretty, but they are my pure and honest thoughts, feelings, and strongholds that control my life.
Jan. 1, 2009
Happy New Year Self! I am pondering the past year, and my life in general at this moment and wondering why it has taken me so very long to learn some things that others it takes no time at all really, to learn. At a much younger age anyway.
For instance, why has it taken me so long to learn the importance of my children's individuality? To look at them as individual human beings with ideas and opinions of their own, not just mine for the molding. I have wasted so much precious time and missed so much of their delightful lives. Skaterboy has 3 more years left with me and I sometimes feel like I have missed so much of his growing up.
Also, it has taken me so long to learn to prioritize and keep a schedule. I never really heard of the principle, " If it doesn't help me grow spiritually, or the whole family can't do it, it's not necessary", until recently. If I had heard it a few years back, I might not have wasted so much time. Would I have learned something from it, back then?
The quote in my compendium journal today reads:
"Change occurs when one becomes what she is, not when she tries to become what she is not." Ruth P. Freedman
So, what do I know for sure about myself, that I am definitely not?
1. A great housekeeper/organizer.
2. A wonderfully outgoing people person.
3. A well educated teacher.
4. An extremely patient wife/mother.
5. A great money manager.
What I most certainly know I am:
1. A great and loyal friend who never h as an agenda attached to the friendship.
2. A very strong person when it comes to major catastrophes, but not so good at handling the minor stuff.
3. A faithful and loyal wife, who loves her husband more than herself, even though I don't show it, all the time.
4. A mother who wants to be completely involved in her children's lives, so that someday when they look back, they will say that they had a wonderful childhood.
5. A person who loves a clean and organized home, but has digressed to the fact that when people live in a house all day, it will be a rare occasion that I will be able to delight in this reality.
6. A person who loves teaching and reading to the kids. It brings me so much joy and peace to know that they are home with me.