Tuesday, January 6

Better still...

Whew... Today is much better than the last few days I've had. I won't lie and say that there are not some things that are bothering me right now, but at least I'm okay with the situation for right now.

God has revealed to me some things that He wanted me to understand. A lot of spiritual things actually, and I can breathe again.

Our first day back at school went quite well, and the kids actually accomplished quite a bit. Hopefully this consistency will continue until the end of school this year. We still have a lot of information to cover before then. It's going to be a challenge, but one I hope through God's help I can complete.

Skaterboy's attitude was much better today. Way better than the past few days anyway. He did his schoolwork as diligently as any teenager, and was allowed to go to a friends house afterward.

Scott has been filling his time with projects around the house, and helping me clean and such. I am truly enjoying his being home, but I would be lying if I said that I am not at all worried about his finding a job.

It's such a sticky situation. I am wondering if they offer help in finding employment to people who once had and IEP when they were in school? For those of you who don't know what an IEP is, it's a Individual Education Plan. Scott was in special classes all through school, and was diagnosed as a child with very mild mental retardation. Most people don't notice it, but I am able to notice it. It's really more of an annoyance to me, but it certainly makes things more difficult around here.

I guess my biggest fears are that no one will hire him. You see, every job he has ever had in his life, he knew someone working there, and that is why he was hired. Word of mouth from other people. Don't get me wrong, Scott is an extremely hard worker. He can be a work-a-holic. He will stay at any job until it gets done. When he has a job he sticks with it. He has worked a total of 4 jobs since I met him, and has never been fired. He has wonderful recommendation letters from former employers and co-workers, however the world tends to judge people by their appearances, and not by their job skills a lot of times. I'm not saying that my husband is ugly. I think he is very attractive, in so many ways, but even well-meaning family members have said things to me about his appearance, that were just plain rude and hurtful, to tell you the truth. Of course they don't say it to his face, but behind his back to me, later on. If only they knew the type of person he really is. He does have a good heart, and is truly generous in most circumstances. I bit too generous sometimes, and too trusting. He is an easy target for people to take advantage, pick on.

I have to be honest and say that I am not always patient with him. In fact, I usually get frustrated with him at least once every day. I know it's not his fault, but a lot of times I feel like I have to be the one parenting everybody in our home. Let me tell you, it's exhausting. It makes me sad too, that I won't ever have a meaningful relationship with him, like other married couple's have. I think that is why I am having so much difficulty reading the book, "Created to Be his Help Meet". I don't think he is capable of being the head of our household. I'm not saying this to be mean. I seriously don't think it's possible, and it makes me so very sad, because I want him to be.

It's embarrassing telling everyone we know about his problems because I don't want to embarrass him, or have them act differently around him. I wonder how noticeable it really is to others, or if I am noticing it more because I know him the best.

I know in my heart that God wants the best for our family. I'm scared though. I know I need to trust Him, and maybe that's why He's been testing me so often lately. I haven't been very trusting in Him, and He has never failed me. He has always been consistent in his promises in my life. So why am I having difficulty trusting in Him?

I guess I will have to wait for Him to reveal that answer to me as well. Until then I must faithfully wait.

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